Have you ever felt hopelessly alone? Whether you are longing for friendships, a relationship, or both- you’re in great company. Although people are increasingly accessible, they are more disconnected than ever. Our social media generation has led to many superficial connections and relationships of convenience. But truthfully, we were created for something much more substantial than a like or follow. God intended us to be known by others- He says it is not good that man is alone (Genesis 2:18). People are longing for closeness and intimacy, which is why being lonely is such a painful experience; I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. My heart aches if you are struggling. Thankfully as Christians, there is real hope to overcome loneliness.
Because loneliness is a battle we’ve faced for centuries, there is no perfect cure. However, I believe by God’s grace, feeling lonely is temporary and beatable. Here are eight practical ways you can use to overcome loneliness.
1. Accept What You’re Going Through
In my experience, the enemy tries to bring shame when you feel alone. It’s embarrassing and discouraging to admit you are feeling disconnected. It can easily make you feel as though something is wrong with you. I know I’ve wrestled with challenging and vulnerable questions. Why is it so hard to make life-giving, godly friendships? Am I hard to love?
Those questions expose a rejection wound in our hearts, so we avoid them. It’s much easier to sweep those feelings under the rug than to deal with them. Hiding, if we’re honest, is more comfortable. But there is freedom in acknowledging the truth. Admitting to yourself and God that you are lonely, removes the burden from your shoulders and casts it on the One who can carry it.
Suppressing your emotions keeps you enslaved to them. Nothing is too big for the God we serve. Luckily, the Bible says, ” We do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize and understand our weaknesses and temptations, but One who has been tempted [knowing exactly how it feels to be human] in every respect as we are, yet without [committing any] sin” (Hebrews 4:15 AMP). Jesus understands what you are going through. Getting honest with him about your experience and accepting your feelings is step one to overcoming loneliness.
2. Find Ways to Connect With God
Loneliness is an invitation to connect deeply with God. Brainstorm ways you feel most connected to the Lord and start doing more of those things. I like to experience God’s presence by being out in nature. There is something so special and cathartic about admiring His creation. It is refreshing to go on prayer walks and talk to Him while I adventure; it creates intimacy with Him. God made us to be in a relationship with Him. When you invest in your relationship, it will fulfill you on the deepest level. I know it doesn’t replace the need for human connection, but it will satisfy you if you allow it.
Another way I suggest connecting with the Lord is through worship. Worship could look like so many things- it could be singing along to music that glorifies the Lord or creating a gratitude list. When you’re lonely, it’s so easy to let that emotion overtake you. Do not allow yourself to stay miserable; you can choose to be joyful and praise God instead. I’ve found it to be a game-changer. Praise/worship is an excellent antidote for a spirit of heaviness (Isaiah 61:3).
3. Allow People to Walk Alongside You in the Battle
Ironically, battling loneliness sometimes causes us to withdraw. Isolating yourself is tempting, but we must resist it because when the devil gets us alone, he is more powerful. This is why it is crucial to surround yourself with other Christians who can support you when you feel too weak. We are much stronger as a community, so don’t be embarrassed to confess your weaknesses before your brothers and sisters in Christ. There is power in allowing others to walk alongside you in the battle. You never know how God wants to use someone else to bless you. Don’t allow fear of burdening others or even pride to hinder the healing/encouragement God may want to bring through other people. When it feels too heavy, reach out!
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galations 6:2
4. Start Serving Others
Another way to escape loneliness is to get busy for the kingdom. Ask yourself, Who can I bless today? When you focus on loving your neighbor, you’re less focused on yourself. This is the goal; God did not intend for us to focus excessively on ourselves. God commands us to love Him and love people.
Serving others shouldn’t be viewed as a distraction or a way of neglecting your needs. Instead, pray that you would love others from the right heart. Do not serve them for your gain, whether to distract yourself from your problems or receive a blessing from God. We love others because God loves us (1 John 4:19). Because this follows God’s design for our relationships, you’ll find that you will feel less lonely and blessed in doing something for the greater good.
5. Put Yourself Out There and Reinvest in Old Relationships
Reinvesting in your relationships is a great way to overcome loneliness. Feeling lonely may be a sign that there isn’t enough depth in your relationships with people. You and I have the power to change that. Start by connecting with the people whom God has already placed in your life. Put in effort to get to know people beyond a surface level. Even if you feel you are making this effort, understand that you must be a good friend to keep and make good friends. This takes time. So don’t grow weary in doing good (Galatians 6:9).
It may also be helpful to venture out into other communities. If you are introverted like me, this does not sound appealing at all. But people and relationships don’t just happen and fall out of the sky, they require mutual effort. You can’t make friends or potentially meet a special someone if you are home 24/7.
6. Pray Fervently
Pouring yourself out in prayer before the Lord is another way to find victory over loneliness. We live in a spiritual world; Jesus himself acknowledges that some battles can only be won through prayer and fasting (Matthew 17:21). Thankfully, we serve a God who inclines His ear to us, so bring your loneliness to Him in prayer. While you may not see immediate changes, prayer changes things.
I would pray that God would fill your heart with more of Himself. I would ask Him to satisfy you completely. Also, pray for godly friendships, community, and a spouse. If you never ask, then how can you receive it?
7. Remind Yourself of God’s Truth Often
As with any battle renewing your mind with scripture is a surefire way to be successful in the war against loneliness. I’m sure you’ve heard that there is a difference between feeling lonely and being alone. Your feelings are not always indicative of the truth. The truth is that you are never alone. I love how David says in Psalm 139 that he cannot escape God’s presence even if he wants to. God is with him in the highest highs and lowest lows. This is true of you and me too. God is with us and for us, so don’t be deceived by your feelings and experience in the natural world, and constantly renew your mind by nourishing it with God’s truth.
Here are a few of my favorite scriptures to read when I am feeling lonely:
- Matthew 28:20– “… behold, I am with you always to the end of the age.
- Isaiah 41:10– “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”.
- Psalm 139:7-” Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?”
- Psalm 73:23-“Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.
8. Embrace the Season You Are In
Sometimes we simply have to embrace the season God has us in. The Bible says there is a season for everything under the sun (Ecclesiastes 3:1). God may have a specific reason for your isolation. Before Jesus stepped into ministry, he was alone in the wilderness for 40 days. It is possible, that God is preparing you to step into something excellent. He can’t always accomplish what He needs to in us when we are distracted by people. Regardless of God’s specific reason, no season goes unused. Although feeling lonely is unpleasant, resubmit to God and trust He is working your life for good (Romans 8:28). This may be the cross you need to take up until the season changes. If you accept it and cooperate with God, you will overcome in Christ.
You and I must believe we are more than conquerors in Christ who loves us (Romans 8:37). Battling loneliness isn’t easy, but we weren’t promised our lives on this side of eternity would be easy. I hope you will find comfort in reflecting on God’s goodness and cooperating with Him by taking action to overcome loneliness. My prayer is that God’s purposes will be accomplished through a season of loneliness- whether that be healing, preparation, or character development. I have faith that God will see us through to the other side, so keep your hope alive that God will bring the connections you desire into your life in His grace and timing.