Listen, God created marriage, and it’s a beautiful thing. God uses marriage to make us look more like Jesus and bring Him glory.
Desiring to find a godly spouse is NOT a bad thing. Sometimes others make us feel guilty for wanting a husband. Let me be the first to remind you- there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be married.
If God created marriage, then it’s good. Period. Everything God created is good. So then, why doesn’t it feel that way? Why does wanting a husband feel like more of a curse than anything?
I know I’ve pleaded with the Lord in the waiting. God, take it away! Make this desire manageable. I don’t WANT to spend ALL day thinking about my future marriage. God doesn’t like it either. He loves you; He wants you to be at peace and in His joy.
If you’re honest, obsessing over your future marriage robs you of your joy. Enough is enough. Let’s stop obsessing over our future husbands. There is freedom in this area.
We can learn to manage our unfulfilled desire for marriage in a way that honors God and doesn’t exhaust us.
Here are three practical steps that you can take to ditch your obsession with finding the one.
1. Interrupt Your Thoughts
You probably don’t want to hear this, but fantasizing about your future marriage is a choice. Yes, you’re right, you can’t control the thoughts that pop into your head, but you have a choice in which thoughts you entertain.
We’ve all been there.
It begins as one innocent thought that turns into one more thought. Then that thought turns into another thought until you’re in full-blown fantasyland.
I’m going to kindly ask you to STOP! You’re not the victim here; you don’t have to stay there.
The Bible calls us to take our thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). What does that look like in real life?
It means not letting thoughts overtake you. Don’t be passive about your thoughts and get down on yourself because you’re thinking about your future husband again.
Instead, think about good things, like the fact that Christ died for you. Think about true things, like what God has to say in His word. Think about things that are honorable, like how you can bless someone else today.
“8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
Phillippians 4:8
I think a part of us actually likes fantasizing about “our person” 24/7. Choose to listen to what God has to say about what you should think about. By listening to the Lord, you can find greater freedom.
2. Invest in Your Girlfriends
Spending all day, every day fantasizing about when you and Mr. Right will meet is very self-focused. When you only think about yourself and your life, it makes you feel miserable.
Instead, spend time investing in your girlfriends. The benefits are two-fold; it allows you to stop focusing on yourself and is also the perfect cure for loneliness.
God created us to be connected. I know many of us want to be a wife so we can “do life” with someone. That doesn’t have to start when you meet the one.
We all need to get better at reaching out; we need each other. Text someone in your small group or *gasp* call them. Plan friendship dates and keep them on your calendar regularly.
We prioritize the things that we care about, so you’re not too busy. Start going deeper with your friends. Learn what makes them who they are in Christ. Spend time growing together in the Lord. The same things you would do in a relationship (except for the romantic stuff) can be done with your friends. I promise that allowing yourself to be known, really known will at least partially satisfy that deep ache that you feel for a relationship.
3. Stop Sizing Up Every Man You Meet
No one wants to admit it, but if you’re real you know that as soon as a new man walks into the church or small group and he’s cute the delusions begin. We instantly think, could this be it? Is he the one?
Don’t let him be a man of character. Then it’s finished. We’ve already picked the wedding date, location, and baby names.
Ladies, that is a problem.
This thinking poisons our interactions with men. We view every conversation and interaction with them through the lens of “He might be my future husband.”
It creates inauthentic connections because we worry about how this potential guy views us. It is more than time to start seeing men for who they are- brothers in Christ.
Honor men in the church and your small group by just being you. If he’s 30 or 80, treat him the same. The Bible calls us to love one another with brotherly affection (Romans 12:10).
Truthfully, when you interact with men as a potential boyfriend/husband, it’s from a selfish place. You are not viewing them for who they are- image bearers of the Lord. Instead, it’s more about how could this man potentially benefit me by being in a relationship.
I believe if God has given you the desire for marriage, He will honor it. In the meantime, get serious about not allowing your desire for marriage to control your thoughts and actions. Stop obsessing. You are free in Christ; so start acting like it.