In the Bible, your heart describes the essence of who you are. Anatomically, your heart is one of the most important organs because it pumps blood and oxygen to the body. Your heart is your lifeline. You must learn to guard your heart like your life depends on it- because it does.
Lots of people misunderstand what it means to guard your heart. The world will tell you guarding your heart means to be cautious in relationships. At best, this is a half-truth. Guarding your heart is about keeping your heart healthy and pure. Being pure-hearted is a high honor; Jesus says it’s one of the ways to lasting joy. The Bible says that those pure in heart see God (Matthew 5:8). Nothing is better than experiencing His presence!
Guarding your heart is about keeping your heart healthy and pure.
So, how can you ensure your heart is healthy? What does this look like in the context of dating relationships?
Learn how you can be pure-hearted as you navigate dating relationships. With these four tips, you can honor God and protect yourself by preserving the life of your heart.
1. Establish Emotional Boundaries
There’s a lot of talk in churches about saving yourself for marriage, which is absolutely something you must pursue. Physical purity honors the Lord, the other person, and yourself. It is important! But emotional purity needs to be a part of the conversation too. Establishing emotional boundaries is about discerning how much information you divulge at different points in a relationship.
Trauma dumping has become normal; five seconds into knowing a person you already know their deepest darkest secrets. Honestly, this is dangerous; we have no business sharing our trauma with a man on the first, second, or third date. Women find intimacy through emotional connection, so we’ve got to be extra vigilant with how much we divulge and with whom. Oversharing creates a false emotional intimacy that can leave us heartbroken if the relationship doesn’t last.
There needs to be a progressive flow to the amount of information that you are revealing to a man who you are dating. As the level of commitment increases, the amount of information shared can increase too. Truthfully, some conversations are not appropriate for “just friends” or “talking”. Certain conversations will create an intimacy that was never intended for friendship. All it does is leave the woman hurt and confused when she learns that the guy was never interested in being more than just friends. This is why it is crucial to have define-the-relationship talks at each stage, so your conversation depth can correlate.
Level of Commitment: | Appropriate Convo Topics: |
Friends | current events, common hobbies/areas of interest, church events, surface-level topics |
Dating | common values (convictions, political ideologies), family, challenges, small insecurities |
Engaged | deep traumas/strongholds, raising children, financial information, etc. |
2. Involve Your Community
When you first meet someone you’re interested in, you have love goggles on. Unfortunately, there is no avoiding it- no matter how sober-minded you think you might be. The joy and excitement of romance cause us to be rash and plain foolish. We can be tempted to give our hearts away right away.
This is why it is essential to get your community involved. The Bible calls us to live in the light (1 John 1:7), so we need to take steps to be transparent with those we trust. It can be so tempting to want to keep your budding relationship private, but it’s in the hidden places that we make provisions for sin.
Do not spend a ton of alone time with this person. It is a breeding ground for growing intimacy (physical and emotional) at an accelerated pace. However, involving trusted people and seeking wise counsel helps you to maintain a healthy level of intimacy in your relationship and gives people an opportunity to “cover your blind spots”. Red flags that you miss may be evident to your trusted confidants. Sometimes the truth is difficult to hear, but the truth if you will allow it sets you free.
Your mentors, friends, and family know you better than almost anyone else. They want what is best for you and can help you make wise decisions in the Lord. I know allowing people to speak into your life is scary but a word of advice from the right people is golden.
3. Watch Your Media Consumption
I’m sure you’ve heard that the eyes are the windows to the soul. The Bible phrases it this way- “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, 23 but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!” (Matthew 6:22-23). You’re probably thinking what do my eyes have to do with my heart? Well, they have everything to do with your heart; everything is connected. Believe me, what you watch and listen to matter! It can be the difference between a healthy and unhealthy heart.
What you watch and listen to matter! It can be the difference between a healthy and unhealthy heart.
When you watch movies or TV series that are sexually explicit, it may feel harmless but it’s not. The same is true when we listen to music that glorifies sex, drugs, and money. Because many of us are desensitized to it we assume it doesn’t influence us. But don’t be deceived. The Bible says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, so eventually your words and actions will reveal how you spend your time.
The condition of our hearts will seep into all our interactions, especially our dating ones. If your heart is full of gunk from all the junk that you allow in through what you consume (your eyes) it will infect your relationship. This is even more true if you are pursuing a godly relationship. Protect the purity of your heart and set yourself up for success in relationships by being cautious with what you are consuming.
4. Have Healthy Expectations
Remember, what I mentioned earlier about the excitement of romance putting us in a whirlwind? Well, this can be magnified even more if you are weary of waiting, or overly eager to be in a relationship. This drives us to set unrealistically high expectations for the outcome of the relationship. Without even knowing a man and his character, we’re already thinking he could be the one. Slow down!
Do not put the cart before the horse or count your chickens before they hatch. All it does is set you up for disappointment if this relationship doesn’t work out how you planned or expected. Here are a few practical steps you can take when you find yourself fantasizing or moving too fast in your new relationship.
- Create a list of what you are looking for and compare the qualities of the man you are dating with it. This keeps you accountable.
- Get honest about your feelings with friends. The Bible says when we confess our sins, God is faithful to help us.
- Remind yourself that God is in control and hang onto this relationship with open hands.
Your heart is incredibly precious, it does not belong to just any Joe Blow. It is up to you and me to preserve the life of our hearts by walking in purity. Put your heart in God’s hands; this is the safest place it could be. Allow him to purify it and give you a heart of flesh, and when it is time to start thinking about letting someone into your heart; be vigilant and sober. Your heart is your life!